well, well, what a week! and it's only wednesday! so far, i have a new nephew (number 5!), i've gotten/conquered an unknown illness that somewhat resembles the flu, i've met with the neurosurgeon and i've scheduled surgery for this friday! unfortunately, because of said surgery, i'll be missing the first few days of class since the doctor wants me to stay for a week to make sure no infection set in/aliens are growing inside of me, planning to take over and destroy the universe. i have this image of Alien in my mine. gosh, that would suck. high hopes, though, high hopes...

continuing on about the doctor: he thinks that part of the disc broke off and i've got fragments irritating the nerve. makes sense. he even drew/colored me a picture of what he thought. no, my doctor is not five. he's quite intelligent and has the background to prove it. the picture helped though.

tomorrow, i'm hoping to drive up to the temple. it's so beautiful!

as it's the very end of the semester and seeing as how i've slacked on updating this thing (because it's in such high demand by the general public...), i figured i'd write a few words. you know, just because...

my life this semester has been nothing like i planned. really, though, one can only plan so much. "plan to be surprised," is a great motto. along with, "come what may and love it." the latter is still my motto and although it can be difficult to love the situation, the saying makes it easier to at least appreciate the lessons that are to be learned. it has most certainly been a roller coaster this semester for me, what with the back issue coming back. i at least know the issue(s) though and i've tried everything, essentially. all but surgery. that, my friends, will be the adventure i experience next week.

i suppose i can't really say that quite yet. i don't know FOR SURE i'll be having surgery. for so long, i've been hoping for it, looking forward to it. i just want my life back. last night, however, while my visiting teachers were over, i came to the realization that it's back surgery. yes, i know that. but it's kind of really intense, if you think about it. should something go wrong and the neurosurgeon accidentally strike my nerve, i could be paralyzed. i have faith in the doctor i'll be seeing this upcoming tuesday, but that doesn't mean those concerns aren't there.

as i've been stuck in limbo, it's allowed me to see things in a different light. i've reflected on the past and yes, it's been more difficult, physically, not being able to do certain things, but i've met some incredible people. a fear of mine, one of which i hope it completely ridiculous and will never occur, is that after i'm healed, i won't ever see them again.

that sounds crazy, i know. it's just one of those fears, though--just that small bit of anxiety. whatever happens, happens. i think it was Bruce R. McConkie that said (and this is paraphrasing rather roughly...very roughly), "can you control it? if not, don't worry about it." there's no point in stressing about the things you can't control. recognize the Lord's hand in all things, keep the commandments, and you have nothing to worry about. sure, things may not turn out as planned, but there's nothing to worry about.

i'm trying really hard to keep that focus. life is so much better when you're happy and optimistic. there really are innumerable reasons to rejoice. be of good cheer! life happens. but why not be happy?

condoleeza rice spoke here at byu earlier this semester (incredible forum. truly) and reminded us that we may not be able to control our situations, but we can control our attitude to the situation.

i'll admit that, yes, if the doctor back home meets with me tuesday and decides i'm not getting surgery, i'll be at wit's end. what do you do when you've tried everything but it's only gotten worse? what do you do when it's taken over and completely changed your life?

i suppose the answer really is quite simple. it's what i've been doing and honestly, it's the only reason i've been able to remain so happy and optimistic throughout this whole ordeal: the gospel. how it's brought such peace and happiness! just look at your lives and everything you have. how can you not be happy? focus on what you know. focus on the gospel. have faith and know that everything will turn out well.

those are the things to keep doing, i guess. and sleep. that seems like a funny thing to say at this point, but really, sleep helps so much more than you realize. as college students, it's easy to pull all-nighters to get everything done, but i'm so much happier, optimistic, pleasant to be around, and everything is just so much better when you get sleep.

i suppose i'll quit my rambling now, but do be of good cheer, my friends. i may have difficulty walking/standing and essentially doing everything else, but i can still walk. what a blessing! do not take these things for granted; you have no idea what you have until you no longer have it.