nesmith

i think i'm now used to my life simply being insane. there's no need to really go into depth on the subject as i don't really want to talk about it, but i'd like to state the following: just because someone doesn't necessarily show every emotion they're experiencing at that moment does not mean they don't feel anything. just a thought.

as i've been thinking about school and such, which starts up in january sometime, i've been looking into different fields, since my health is preventing me from pursuing my current major. i believe i mentioned earlier that i've been looking into communications and with everything that's been going on as of late, a scene from one of my favorite films, "The King's Speech", came to mind, where lionel and bertie are arguing because lionel is sitting on the coronation throne. if i could find a clip to embed, i would, but for now, the text will have to do, sadly. if you haven't seen the film, you need to. it's incredible and i find it truly inspirational, but perhaps i relate to the film and its message more because i had a speech impediment as a child.

King George VI: [Sees Logue is sitting on the coronation throne] What are you doing? Get up! You can't sit there! GET UP!
Lionel Logue: Why not? It's a chair.
King George VI: No, that. It is not a chair. T-that... that is Saint Edward's chair.
Lionel Logue: People have carved their names on it.
King George VI: [Simultaneously] That... chair... is the seat on which every king and queen has... That is the Stone of Scone you ah-are trivializing everything. You trivialize...
Lionel Logue: [Simultaneously] It's held in place by a large rock. I don't care about how many royal arseholes have sat in this chair.
King George VI: Listen to me. *Listen to me!*
Lionel Logue: Listen to you? By what right?
King George VI: By divine right if you must, I am your king.
Lionel Logue: No you're not, you told me so yourself. You didn't want it. Why should I waste my time listening?
King George VI: Because I have a right to be heard. I have a voice!
Lionel Logue: [pauses] Yes, you do.

i have a voice and i want to be heard. i deserve to be heard. we all do. if i do decide to go into communications, i'm not sure if i would go into film and media or journalism and mass media. that's still yet to be determined. i understand film and media very well and i love analyzing it and i feel i would be very successful in that field. at the same time, however, i have difficulty respecting the industry. but there are still wonderful people who strive for excellence and push for the good of man, rather than destroying the family and the morals of mankind. there's good and bad almost wherever you turn; it simply takes different forms and isn't always noticeable at first.

so, with all this, i've decided that i'm simply just going to go with the flow. i've got plans, but i know they'll change. i'm just going to focus first on my health and then on school and go from there. i don't have to decide on everything right now. answers to prayer and the greatest questions of life come with time, so i don't have to rush it. i don't want to miss out on opportunities and experiences due to impatience. one thing i do know for sure is that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and is mindful of absolutely everything we do, so just be patient. "keep on swimming." it'll all be okay.